I'm so sorry for your pain. I was a long time hardcore Elder. When I stopped serving and started my fade, I reached out to several young people (4) that needed help, but because they "were spiritually weak", I didn't. I apologized to them. One now is in a rehab center after several arrests for drugs and theft. She has had 2 children taken from her for neglect. My heart pains for her, but I reached out to the "Summit Organization" to assist them in any way I can.
Please be strong! I'm sure there are those unknown to you that really care about you! Become active in your community by volunteering your time to help others. This will give you true satisfaction and a purpose in life! And perhaps, along the way, you can find that life partner that will be that Rock, Supporter, and lifelong friend.